"Look ma' two balls, two hands"
Peter Clay Carroll, 58, of Southern California, passed away peacefully from his head coaching position the morning of Sunday, January 11, 2010. Mr. Carroll was surrounded by lots of friends, family, grad students, and microphones. “Pete” as his friends liked to call him was born on September 15, 1951, in San Francisco, California (gay) to Jim and Rita Carroll.
"No way dude"
Jim and Rita instilled a great sense of stretching the truth and altering his report cards to get places. Pete would often find himself working in his father’s machine shop crafting lies, agents rental properties, and Heisman Trophy Replicas. Pete attended Redwood High School. The 110 pound incoming freshman was often teased because of his name Peter which is slang for penis. “Chin up”, his neighborhood priest would always say. Pete took this advice to his Eagle Scout meetings where he mentored several youths. Pete started the Scout Buddy System, Call the Counselor Program, Show Your Stuff Talent Show, I’m Gonna Tie You Up for Success Self Esteem Builder, which led to one of his greatest achievements, The San Francisco Deaf and Blind Boys Secrets Club.
"This one stinks, can we get one that doesn't smell like cat piss?"
After earning his Eagle Scout badge, Pete was forced to give it back, because local authorities discovered Pete had done things with their skin. Pete looked for wisdom in this tough time and remembered his Scoutmaster’s advice, “Pete always deny stuff”. And deny he did. Pete graduated from college from some place with a shitty football program, coached football at some other places and was lucky enough land back in Southern California. There he recruited some guys, won some stuff, and then recruited more guys. These guys often received lots of money, cars, rental properties, Heisman Trophies, pussy, more money and gift bags. These gift bags contained burlap sacks with dollar signs painted on them. No one can confirm what was in the sacks.
Pete also was on ESPN with a bunch of fucked up cripple kids that had sad stories. Pete had them at a few practices and games, then sent them to their deathbeds. Young Robbie Robberson a 7 year old paraplegic, retarded, gay, club footed dwarf had only words of praise for coach Carroll. He drooled and shouted, “Uhhhh uhhh you owwww uhhh owww uhhh” Coach Pete responded, “What the fuck did that paraplegic, retarded, gay, club footed dwarf say”? Pete went on to say “Oh I get it, it’s like one of those hip hop rap sayings, Uhhhh uhhh you owwww uhhh owww uhhh to you to Robbie” Robbie’s dying wish was inaudible, but Pete knew deep down in his heart that Robbie would love more than anything to not die, and to call the last play in the Notre Dame game. Pete said, “we called Bush Push left”. “We don’t know if it is within the rules, but who gives a fuck, Robbie Roberson didn’t subscribe to the rule book because he couldn’t read”.
Pete’s coaching career is preceded in death by storied programs like the 1978 Iowa State season, 90-94 NY Jets, parents Jim and Rita, and brother Shamus Carroll. He is survived by his wife of 25 years, Glena. Together they have three children, oldest son Brennan, middle daughter Jaime, and youngest son Nathan. Pete leaves behind a struggling graduate student, numerous agents, cheerleaders, Robbie Robberson, nieces and nephews and a host of friends.
The family will receive friends from 5:00pm until 8:00pm Friday, January 15th, at the Rose Bowl. The Funeral Service will be at 10:00am Saturday, January 16th, at Our Lady of Perpetual Lies Miseries and Wrongdoings, located at 12450 Fistington Boulevard, San Francisco, CA. Interment will follow at Qwest Field in Seattle, Washington.
In lieu of usual remembrances, the family suggests contributions to http://www.camppete.com/ (seriously click on this fucker it is hilarious and gay), a multi-player online game where inner city prey can learn to play “hush hush” in a virtual environment of inner cities populated by predators and white Chevrolet vans that don’t have windows, all whjile under the guise of playing online football like a star! A small fraction of the proceeds from your contributions will go to support A Better LA. A large portion will go towards any impending legal troubles faced by the Carroll family.
"So let me get this straight, this thing will trick them into thinking I'm a Power Ranger, and then they will let down their guard and then I can establish trust by placing my hand on their shoulders and legs? Right?"
See you later gray pubes! You can learn more about Pete Carroll at www.USC.org/ncaa.violationS\tainted_national_co-championship/J-E-T-S.colon.reggiebush’sparentsrenthouse_legit.PAC-10titles/grad-student-affair/lastplaceineveryNFLcategory.com
"Yeah I do situps, big fucking deal"
View This Pollpolls
No comments:
Post a Comment